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SKA SKA SKA! and a wee bit o punk~

cant forget the psychobilly

8/18/14 04:59 am

Believe
.
You wouldnt believe me
If I told you all these words
Were for you
.
All the emotions
The longing
The nostalgia
The hope
The regret
.
In truth
You know
.
The harder thing for you to understand
Is how long its been since Ive thought of you
So long I cant even remember
The last time I tried to put myself in someone elses shoes
The last time I tried to remember your face
.
Would you believe the feeling
The feeling of being able to forget
Every day for the last 8 years
Every day youve been a glimpse
A memory, a moment, a laugh, a cry
A nagging thought I couldnt rid
.
Am I finally free
I would like to believe
.

7/14/14 08:44 am

60
.
My life
In a time line of pictures
Its been 60 weeks
.
60 weeks since I last felt happy
.
Ive come a long way
Every aspect of my life has changed
Im still unhappy though
Still feel empty
Hollow
.

6/30/14 06:56 am

Grind
.
I grind my teeth in my sleep
When I smile at you
When I hold back
Hold back words
Hold back myself
.
I grind my teeth when Im not alone
Loud enough to hear
You would hear if you listened
You would see if you were looking
.
I grind.

6/22/14 07:27 am

The weight
.
No words
Can do justice
The feeling of freedom
From the weight off your chest
.
When each breath
Is as full of life
As the last
When smiles curl the edges
Of both our lips
.
When the thoughts
No longer lurk in shadows
But only head towards light
Seeing you at your lowest
Is no longer when Im at my highest
When you arent my every thought
.
The feeling of progress
Finally lifting the other foot
And moving forward
On my own accord
Not afraid to let go
To stop looking back
.
Wishing you the best
And meaning it
Not having to pretend
But to finally be me
Watch you finally be you
Some day
Some day I will mean this all
.
.
.

6/12/14 02:36 am

To bite
.
The crazy hours of the nite
They force me to bite
To bite my tongue
That urge to talk
To say the things deep inside
To say anything at all
The countless hours forced to speak
The restless nites wanting to scream
Though every ounce of me wants to speak out
I bite
.
The time alone
They force me to bite
To bite my nails
Talks on the phone will never happen
Time to type
To text
To reach out any way I can
Tact was never my strength
This time around I try
I bite
.
The biting
Tears everything I am apart
Thrashes every fabric of my being
Triumph, will be mine

6/8/14 08:19 am - its ok. it is ok. is it ok.

Its ok
.
For the time being
Its ok
.
We talk
We smile
We laugh
You smile
We say nothing at all
We look into eachothers eyes
But not for long
We try to remember that its ok
.
The time apart
Its not spoken of
Its ok
Small talk fills the empty spaces
Its ok
The whats new
Whos new
Where things are going
Where things have been
Family
Everyones ok
.
We're ok
Really
But are you ok
We smile
But you dont really
Do you
Are you ok
Small talk opens worlds
Open ears, opens eyes
Your pain seeps in to the cracks
Those cracks filled with smokes and smoke
Filled with the pained chuckles
Its ok though
.
Youre not ok
Not yet
You will find yourself
Maybe sooner
Most likely later
You will find your strength
Stand up for yourself again
Believe in yourself again
And you will smile
You will be ok
.
Its ok

5/13/14 02:11 am - Unfinished

Can you feel it
.
That spot on your back that gave you chills
Every time I touched it
Even if it moved
Do you remember what it feels like
When a connection is electric
.
Can you feel it
.
They way your stomach dropped
And at the same time crawled up your throat
The first time we met
And the second
The fifth
The 400th
.
Can you feel it
.
.
.

5/13/14 01:55 am

Your lips
.
They haunt me
.
I can still see every curve
I remember how soft each kiss was
the fierce teeth behind
the faint taste of cigarretes
the love you spoke
.
They haunt me
Everytime I look in the mirror
There they are
Staring
Cold
Empty
Fading
They will never fade enough for me to forget
.
They haunt me
Every time we speak
Every quiver they make
Every pause you take to whet
Every word you hold in
.
What I would give to touch those lips just one more time
So I know what I miss
Persist
Wish
Someday
Someday be mine
But your golden shine
Always seems
To stay with me
Like bright rays straight to my heart
.
Your lips
They haunt me

4/23/14 02:49 am - Had to get this out of my head

I can still hear the things you say
Hello
Dream a little dream of me
Hold me
You make me laugh
Baby
What do you want to do?
I just want to be by your side
I want to spend the rest of my life with you
I cant wait to see you
I miss you
I love you
.
What are we doing
Where are you going with your life
Youll never be able to support me
Its just not the same
No, not tonite
Its ok
I want more
Youre crazy
Its my fault not yours
Sometimes its ok to be selfish
Im still young
What else is out there
Theres nothing going on
.
And so much more.
I can still hear the things you said
But I cant hear your voice
I dont remember the sounds that came from between your lips
And sadly your voice is just replaced with my own
My memory is holding onto things I no longer remember
Is this making it easier for me to let go
Can I let go
Should I let go
Why cant I let go
.
We still speak
I hear the things you say
But I cant attach your voice to the those words
Weve tried to disconnect
You want to disconnect
I feel disconnect
Weve disconnected
Theres something there still
We cant wish it away if we could
We will keep running
Hiding
Pretending
.
Im a pretender
I pretend I can still hear the sound of your voice when you said
I love you
.

6/2/13 05:30 am

25. Im still here. No different. No better off... no worse really.
Still cant handle this shit.
Cmon Austin. Your 25 and the only things you have to show for it is a car that youve managed to pay off, and two cds from a band you joined, but had no say in ever.
Why the hell cant you just grow the fuck up already, or get this done and over with.
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